2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say, “Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Dang right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?

4. When people say, “It’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?!

5. When people say while watching a film “did you see that?”. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor..

6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is ‘new and improved!’. Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, and can’t be new.

8.When people say “life is short”. What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that’s longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?

Compliments of Alana Bess

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different.. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, “It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. “The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued. “I am going to give each one of you a SEED today – one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO.”

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn’t have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by — still nothing in Jim’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn’t say anything to his colleagues, however… He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil – He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right.

He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful — in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown,” said the CEO. “Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!”

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, “The CEO knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!”

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed – Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, “Behold your next Chief Executive Officer! His name is Jim!” Jim couldn’t believe it. Jim couldn’t even grow his seed.

“How could he be the new CEO?” the others said.

Then the CEO said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead – it was not possible for them to grow.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!”

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends
* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness
* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective
* If you plant hard work, you will reap success
* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

So, be careful what you plant now;
it will determine what you will reap later..

“Whatever You Give To Life, Life Gives You Back”

Canadians:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans:
Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North.

Canadians:
Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans:
This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians:
No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans:
THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN,THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians:
We are a lighthouse, your call.

The recession has hit everybody really hard…

And, finally….

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline.  I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Compliments of Diana Baxter

197 lbs on 6-12-11

This is the first picture he took on the scale. on June 12th (the day we all started (i lost 16 so far)), he weighed in at 197.00 LBS. He was motivated and ready.

After Week 1 at 187 down 10 lbs.

Week 1 passed and obviously he was very excited to see the results. 10 POUNDS? are you kidding me? Well, that obviously got him motivated to continue the diet and see what would happen.

After Week 2 at 180.5 down 16.5 lbs.

After the second full week, he shed another 6.5 LBS not bad for a diet where you can eat WHATEVER you want.

After Week 3 at 175 down 22 lbs.

OK, week 3 passed, and was it possible to lose anymore? YES – he weighed in at 175. that’s exactly 22 LBS of his body.

After Week 4 at 171 down 26 lbs.

Today was the last official weigh in. Weighed in at 171 LBS – that’s a total of 26 LBS in 28 Days, all while eating what he wants. We will weigh in again next week, but we officially wanted to see what he will look like after one month. (before and after shots to come soon)

Now you be the Judge. Does it work? I say YES – the 5 Bite Diet DOES Work.

I guess the moral of the story is to NOT CLICK on it, and if you do, PRAY.

Here is a pic of the email that is going around

Virus Email Using Adobe Shell

You can also download a Free Excellent Anti Malware program here and run it on your computer.

I would also recommend that everyone uses this tool on their computer for cleaning up all excess fat on their system (also a free tool)

UPDATE:

I sent an email to the Company that is sending the email (I assumed the email was being hacked), they informed me that the email is a fraud and it is in fact a virus. Below is a picture of the email I got from the Company.

Abuse Response Email

And if after all this you still get it, I would recommend calling Levi Lieder from Datatech (818-668-2011) to Fix it, since so far he is the only one that I know who can.

Check it out….

If you type certain things into the google toolbar it tries to figure out the rest of what you are going to search….

Well look below.  (click to enlarge)

Jews are What???

Here is a Wikipedia Link. You will see a lot of similar content. However, do you want to be a victim? Better be safe then sorry.