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Posts Tagged ‘buzz’

Great Lesson

Those of us old enough to remember when the phone was wired to the wall, usually in the kitchen, can relate to this story. I loved this read.

The Black Telephone

When I was a young boy, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box….. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.Alt_Telefon

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was “Information Please” and there was nothing she did not know. “Information Please” could supply anyone’s number and the correct time.

My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway.

The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. “Information, please,” I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.

A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

“Information.”

“I hurt my finger…” I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience..

“Isn’t your mother home?” came the question.

“Nobody’s home but me,” I blubbered.

“Are you bleeding?” the voice asked

“No, “I replied. “I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts.”

“Can you open the icebox?” she asked.

I said I could.

“Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger,” said the voice..

After that, I called “Information Please” for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was.

She helped me with my math.

She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.

Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, “Information Please,” and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, “Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?”

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, “Wayne, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in.”

Somehow I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone, “Information Please.”

“Information,” said in the now familiar voice.

“How do I spell fix?” I asked.

All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest.

When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much.

“Information Please” belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.

Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, “Information Please.”

Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.

“Information.”

I hadn’t planned this, but I heard myself saying, “Could you please tell me how to spell fix?”

There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, “I guess your finger must have healed by now.”

I laughed, “So it’s really you,” I said. “I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?”

“I wonder,” she said, “if you know how much your calls meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls.”

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.

“Please do,” she said. “Just ask for Sally.”

Three months later I was back in Seattle.

A different voice answered, “Information.”

I asked for Sally.

“Are you a friend?” she said.

“Yes, a very old friend,” I answered.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” She said. “Sally had been working part time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago.”

Before I could hang up, she said, “Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne?” ”

“Yes.” I answered.

“Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you.” The note said, “Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He’ll know what I mean.”

I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.

Never underestimate the impression you may make on others!

Economy – How Bad is it?

  • Bad EconomyThe recession has hit everybody really hard…
  • My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
  • Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.
  • CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
  • Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
  • A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
  • I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
  • If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
  • McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
  • Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
  • Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s’ names.
  • A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
  • A picture is now only worth 200 words.
  • When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
  • The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally….

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline.  I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Compliments of Diana Baxter

Zack Brown | Optimal Fusion Fun With Sexy Sax Man

So Zack Brown The Vice President of Sales and Marketing at Optimal Fusion just had his 30th birthday. We didn’t really know what to do for him. Tom, a colleague of ours had a great idea. There is this guy named Sergio Flores who is an internet sensation who is known for crashing places with his saxophone and playing George Michael’s “Careless Whisper”. People Generally get annoyed and kick him out. His original video got over 4.5 million views. You can see that video HERE. So on that Fateful Friday morning, while Zack was waiting to have a meeting with me at 11:00 AM. This is what happened.

Hairy Balls?

Here is a great Story.
People want to name a new building…. watch the video….

Great Scrabble

This has got to be one of the cleverest I’ve received in awhile.
Someone out there must be “deadly” at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Blackberry – Finally You did IT!!

We have all been waiting for this day. Blackberry has finally come out with an iPhone like device people call it the iPhone killer – lets wait and see..
BlackBerry 6 software sneak peek. Its got a new BlackBerry Browser and Social Feeds applications.

My Bet with Hershberg

So I lost a bet with Dovi Hershberg. It was such a minor bet. Funny thing is that it was over a 16.00 thing. Anyway, I cant go down by just giving him 1000.00 in cash. I had to do something creative.
I decided to order from my bank 1000.00 in nickles. I had Danny help unload all the nickles in a few bags. While he was at dinner, i coordinated with Gradon to have his trunk unlocked. While he was eating, I dumped the 20k nickles in his trunk…. Here is how it played out….

100 Best You Tube Videos in ONE

Here are the 100 Best You Tube Videos All Composed in 1 You TUBE video

See if you recognize any of them

Relative Prices of Liquids

Ever wonder what certain prices of different liquids cost.

I found a chart online that shows where a few liquids stack up.

interesting what the most expensive one is…..

Common Sense Passed Away

Here is a REAL OBITUARY that was printed in a london Paper – Makes you think. (was forwarded to me) Not a joke

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn’t always fair;
and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place:
Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;
Teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
A teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

common-senseCommon Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sunscreen or an Aspirin to a student; but could
not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death
by his parents, Truth and Trust;
by his wife, Discretion;
by his daughter, Responsibility and
by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers:
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I am a Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on.
If not,
join the majority and do nothing.

What if….

Bentley

Bentley - What if I had one....

 

9/11/09

New York – Anything in numerology ? The eighth anniversary of the 9/11 terror attacks brought a reminder of how little progress the stock market has made since then, largely because of the steep slide that began two years ago. On Sept. 10, 2001, the Dow ended at 9,605.51; that is nearly identical to friday’s close of 9,605.41.

The Infomercial Stopper

This was sent to me by one of the pioneers in the infomercial industry
Funny parody

White People Stole My Car

There is a BBM or email going around now – and I am just trying to show how powerful Google is….
Here is a picture of what is being sent around

White People Stole My Car Google Results Original

White People Stole My Car Google Results Original www.joelbess.com

Its offensive – yes. I agree.

If you went to google trends an hour after it was passed around and after the whole world twittered the pic –
you will see this as the Hottest trends.

White People Stole My Car Google Trend Results

White People Stole My Car Google Trend Results www.joelbess.com

Now look at what happens when you type in that phrase in Google
look how many google results there are already with blogs and all.

AMAZING

White People Stole My Car Google Results

White People Stole My Car Google Results www.joelbess.com

 

Oy Vey Google

What do I have to do to Thank you!!

Thanks GOOG

Thanks GOOG

You Tube Wedding Sensation

You might have seen this on the news and all over the Internet – here is the video that is hitting the airwaves and is creating a huge buzz on the Internet… It started as a regular wedding – and everyone was expected the bride and groom to walk down the aisle when suddenly…..

 

 

of course a few days later youtube had a divorce parody up… here it is