Men Are Happier Just People – Period

• NICKNAMES
  • If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
  • If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
• EATING OUT
  • When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
  • When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
• MONEY
  • A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
  • A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
• BATHROOMS
  • A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
  • The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
• ARGUMENTS
  • A woman has the last word in any argument.
  • Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
• FUTURE
  • A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
  • A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
• SUCCESS
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
  • A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
• MARRIAGE
  • A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
  • A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
• DRESSING UP
  • A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
  • A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
• NATURAL
  • Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
  • Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
• OFFSPRING
  • Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
  • A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.